Black Girl Anxiety
It's that time of year where protective styles are in and won't be out till the weather warms up. I started doing protective styles back in July. I need them because my 4C hair dries and breaks extremely easily. Especially living in the North East, all my ladies are getting box braids or wrapping their hair up. It's what we do to keep our hair protected from breakage, drying out, tangling, etc. Another thing about living in the North East is there are not as many black people as I am used to in the South, so black culture and hair are not as common or commonly talked about. I say this to make a point that I find myself in situations with more white people or POC who more closely relate to being white or benefit from white privilege. CUE THE BLACK GIRL ANXIETY.
Why? Because I and every other black girl I have ever talked to dread, avoid, fear and or stress over the moment you see non POC out in public then ask us questions, draw too much attention and make unwanted comments about our hair. Where we are forced to publicly announce whether the hair on our head is ours when in fact everyone knows it is not. Honestly, I find this so infuriating. Why would someone ask me if my hair is real on 3/12 if on 3/11 it stopped at my shoulders? Are they stupid? No, they just think that's that easiest way to ask questions about something they know nothing about. So rather than to ask an uncomfortable question or not ask at all they choose to make us uncomfortable.
Here are a few examples: "Your hair must grow so fast!"
"What happened to your hair?"
"I love it can I feel it?"
"Why did you take your hair out?" and a million other comments that make us uncomfortable. I've gotten box braids twice now and I've come to realize that black women are the only people who don't receive the same treatment others get with their grooming routines. Nobody asks Amanda if her dyed hair belongs to her. Nobody tells Jim Bob his toupee looks great and asks to touch it. Nobody asks Fernando if his frosted tips are real.
I call this Black Girl Anxiety because after a series of questions and answers I find myself checking my hair more often, making sure my braids are in place, hoping to not draw any more attention to myself. I space out of conversations and worry if they're staring at my hair. Are they wondering how or if I wash it? I anticipate what side to pull my braids on so others will not take the opportunity to grab it (it's happened before).
I start to sweat at the thought of people trying to imagine me doing my hair when in fact the only person who sees me doing my hair is whom I sleep with every night and wake up to every morning. I want to hide under the covers after explaining my grooming habits to people I'm not comfortable explaining them to. I feel exposed and different. Like someone put a sign on my forehead that reads "other." I feel like this when I try a new braid style and when I must take them out for a wash. Black Girl Anxiety is real. So, for all my readers out there who didn't know, now you know. DON'T ask a black woman about her hair. Especially in a public setting.